Many children with Autism (and many non-Auties) struggle to understand the causes and management of their anger. I hope this helps.

I remember being nine and that was a very hard year for me. It was certainly a year when I felt like I was standing at a crossroad between the old world and having a place in the non-Autistic world. I thought I had to choose their world but my heart only wanted my world.

I decided I could try and be part of their world and that my world would always be mine in my own private space and nobody could ever take that away. Then I didn't have to feel upset about that choice.

But I also had feelings that were like a crazy rollercoaster. So other people's feelings were always around 3 to 7 on that scale of 0-10 but mine were often zero and even more often would shoot from 2 up to 10 really quick. I felt kind of like I was a wild horse I suppose and everyone needed me to be a tame horse. I wanted to be a tame horse but my emotions were too fast and too big... all the different feelings.... so it worried people.

Having wild feelings is called 'being passionate' and people think that's OK but not ALL THE TIME.

Its so important to practice what we aren't good at.

I wasn't good at being calm or less passionate.

So I have practiced that A LOT.

But its important sometimes that other people accept that being tame is harder for some people than others even if we try hard to learn it.

Sometimes I take myself away from people when I get too passionate or wild. I used to go to the toilet and just scream and cry in there, often with no sound (strange but I could scream with no noise!)

I felt bad that my private space had to be a toilet. After all, I'm an equal person to anyone else, just there's fewer people like me and more of 'them'. Now I sometimes ask for a quiet space where I can go if my feelings get too big... and I ask BEFORE they get too big... I ask when I arrive.

The quiet spaces I get now are nice, with a chair or a nice corner in a warm quiet room mostly and I just have some space till the wildness is less.

I like to take something called 'omega 3s' which is an oily stuff but its good for calming the wildness and makes it easier to be tame without so much hard work.

Singing and counting are also good, I especially love making stupid songs and silly dances or singing like a cartoon character because then I laugh and when I laugh I let go the anger and stress because I know I'm getting too serious. My father did things like this so that's where I learned it. In class teachers don't like it when kids cheer themselves up to stop being so stressed but its totally OK to do this wacky stuff in a private space.

And one reason people also get mad is they think that everyone is CONTROLLING them.

So its good to say 'I'm me and you are you' because that means they can give you ideas but they don't own you.

And the same thing works if you get angry because they won't let you CONTROL them.

When you say 'I'm me and you are you' it also means that you know its OK for them to think differently and use their brain differently... its OK for them to get something wrong and its OK for them to think they are smarter than maybe they are. IT'S OK because 'I'm me and you are you'.